House Minutes - 09/30/07

The most Austere and Glorious High Council of Compton House convened this Sunday, September 30 in the year of our Lord, 2007 at 8:34 PM. House Meeting convenes at 9:03 PM. Most Exalted President-for-Life, Tillie presiding.


• George's peaceful daydreaming of his rural Idaho home on the Salmon River was rudely interrupted by that obnoxious Tillie and her vagabond collective, “The House Council”. Man, what do those guys even do?
• I'm glad you asked, parent bullet point! What they do is fundraising, conflict management, feeding the hungry, and planning extra house trips; in short, the House Council bes (that's a word, dammit!) all it can be, just like the Army – but presumably they won't be outsourcing to Blackwater, although....
• They certainly have the money (about US $621, which would get us someone for... half a day?). Such discussions of mercenaries (excuse me, “private security firms”) are actually kind of pointless, as the money is tied up in an offshore account in Haiti. Motion to let RH’s handle all transactions, bribes, and laundering passes unanimously.
• We found our constitution! Unfortunately it was written in 1983 and certain clauses (such as mandatory wearing of power suits by all) are a bit outdated, but we should probably keep the one about continuously playing Quiet Riot. Connie volunteered to re-write the constitution, in order to expunge all references to the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (which she hates, like, so much), but Tillie, cradling her copy of Def Leppard's Pyromania, asked that she merely suggest changes. Alicia voted for “clean, easy” constitution changing, but that sounds lame, let's have a revolution.
• Main issue: should re-election be per quarter or per year? Tex, holstering his six-shooter and spitting out his chaw, proposed that the first act be to increase office terms (and salaries) but Connie’s hesitancy at this whole-hearted plunge into the clinging seas of corruption prevailed, leading Tex to mutter about “them no good eastern folk” and go rustle some cattle.
• Actually, you know what? I'm tired of this. It's always about you, and your wants, and your needs! But I'm a warm blooded copy of the minutes, and I have needs too! Needs like alternates for the Royal Shoreland Navy. Igor and Ricardo? I'm looking at you.
• Speaking of forced conscription, Bethany is now a member of Her Majesty’s Royal Birthday Pixies.
• Party Policy: We should have one. Actually, why bother? The revolution's comin', man, it's a-comin'.
• Noah is responsible for taking IHC to Compton and Compton to IHC: this is good, because who but Noah could support all that weight? While we're on this subject, how did he get a cybernetic exoskeleton, anyway? And why is he always going on about “returning to the mothership”?
• Jackson is responsible for finding floors for the booming population of homeless first-years so they don't have to sleep on the walls. I mean seriously, how impractical is that?
• Igor is responsible for keeping our eggs unfertilized, in any way possible. Except for eating them? I guess we'll see.
• Connie has a question? What is like, going to, like, be like done with the like website? Like? A: Jackson or someone else will keep it updated.
• In a surprise move, Tillie vastly expanded her executive powers by giving herself the ability to post directly to the listhost. Responding to cries of indignation, she cited “executive privilege” and claimed that her opponents are stuck in a “pre-9/11 mentality.”
• If you need to be reimbursed for something, give Terrence your receipt within one week. Please note, he's no longer reimbursing people for their tuition.
• Connie actually has a question? Where are study breaks to be held? The HoCo (did I mention that's the new name for the House Council?) couldn't come up with a good answer, just like the Congressional Democrats.
• Ho ho! Politics!
• A motion to trap the Phantom of the White-board and move into an abandoned opera house was made, but failed when Lily stole the white-board and retreated into her secret passages in the walls, from which she watches us while we sleep.
• Connie moved that Tex be re-designated Town Crier. A cacophony of farm-animal sounds resounded from the masses, but Tex tried to decline the post, as “cowboys don't cry no tears”. When it was pointed out that's a double negative, he sheepishly accepted and will now cry all the time for no reason.
• A study-break sign-up sheet will be placed in the lounge. Study breaks will be held on Wednesday nights. For reimbursement up to $20 give Terrence your receipts within one week. For reimbursements over $20, learn how to rob banks.
• Lots of events going on. Look at the walls for more information. Preferably, look at the parts of the walls which have posters on them, but feel free to stare blankly if that's your thing (Maggie, I'm looking at you).
• Apple picking on Oct. 13. “It’s an apple wonderland!” Which I guess means that apples totally dig it? Be there or be elsewhere.
• Halloween we open our doors to the neighborhood kids so they can trick-or-treat without being mugged, and so Lily can feed her insatiable cravings for blood.
• Lexi is planning an outing to Dave and Busters which is “an adult arcade.” Jackson: “An adult arcade?” Yes Jackson, an adult arcade. Go a boy, leave a man.
• Our Condom Czar was equipped with the traditional Condom Riot Gear and instructed to allow the dispersion of condoms in EMERGENCIES only. Unfortunately, several hundred of the house condoms have gone missing. In no doubt completely unrelated news, Damon looked very, very tired but very, very satisfied.
• The Box is Compton’s fundraiser and is in Nina’s room (812). It has all manner of good, clean, legal fun (you lost me at “clean”), so stop by and blow some green. “Blow some green” means “spend money” in this context, because this is good, clean, legal fun.
• Tex, while combing down his horse and dealing stud with one hand, used the other to sign his announcement that Flag Football starts this Saturday at 3 PM and we need more ladies to go out. Just show up and play.
• Also, volleyball (at which we dominate) will begin soon. An email is forthcoming.
• Katie reminded the masses that movie night starts this Thursday and though she would appreciate suggestions she will not be playing anything that demonstrates alternative meanings of the phrases “blow some green”, “adult arcade”, “an apple wonderland”, or “throbbing manpile”.
• During the birth of Compton’s Crown Prince or Princess, their Royal Majesties Dan and Anna have graciously arranged for substitutes to solve our petty squabbles. Their email addresses would have been on the whiteboard, before Lily stole it, now they'll just have to tattoo them onto everyone's hands. Again.
• Meeting concludes at 9:22.