House Minutes - 10/21/07

Compton 10-21-07

• Yes, we realize minutes didn’t come out last week. No, we don’t care. Yes, we are using the royal we.
• Jackson, in adorable naiveté, thinks the fall formal is “cool.” He’s clearly too young to remember the horrors of high school prom, and how Betsy Parr wouldn't even look at me after I asked her to go, and then she went out with that TOTAL JERK Sullivan, and then at the prom him and his stupid jock friends wouldn't stop making fun of me for taking my mom, and then Sullivan made out with my mom, and then I tried to punch because I was SO ANGRY and I HATED HIM SO MUCH AND NEED TO KILLLL!!
• Ahem.
• At any rate, Jackson and my therapist think we should put the past behind us and go to the Fall Formal and would like to remind us that tickets are on sale in the Reynold’s Club.
• This Wednesday (All Hallows Eve) kids are coming to the Shoreland to trick-or-treat. Cheap candy will be sold in the lobby Monday and Tuesday so you don’t have to do that creepy “trick” your Uncle Ned always does to get rid of them and thus don't have to try to convince the parole board that it was all a mistake, honest.
• Shoreland Councilà meal points used for different study breaks, can’t get 5 anymore, only 1 so need more people to give ISO numbers. I hope that makes sense to someone, because I'm pretty sure it heralds an end to free food.
• Guests are not prospective students even if they are prospective students. That's some real Zen, HoCo. It's like this one time, Roswell, the Philosopher-King, was all “For though all creatures under heaven are the products of Being, Being itself is the product of Not-being”, and I was all “Daaamn!”
• Speaking of Being being Not-being, the being “Jackson” needs to figure out if there are PSAC meetings that he’s not going to, and if someday he'll fly away, and leave all this to yesterday.
• The answer is no: humans can't fly, and your past is a relentless Juggernaut that will eventually run you down and crush you under regret. Also: PSAC.
• Baby update: 2 weeks old. Good eater. Going to pediatrician tomorrow. A discussion of breast milk and antibodies followed the baby update until one of the antibodies came into contact with a regular body, and they annihilated each other, destroying the entire city in a violent burst of gamma rays. It was pretty lame.
• Associate Members Voting:
• Walter
• Mohan
• Michael
• Woosuk
• Tyler
• Matthias
• Jared
• Stephan
• Everyone IN!!!
• Patty, in constant amazement, coos “Ooooh” at the sight of a House Meeting in the Lounge, until she was distracted by shiny coins.
• Awesome, we have condoms, and not just royal we. The rest of you common folk have them too. They’re hidden in various places but if you can come to 811 to get them you should because Igor wants to know more about you. He’s really lonely.
• Lock your doors, thefts have been happening. Also, don’t overload elevators, either physically or emotionally. Just the other night, I was woken up by an elevator sobbing in the lounge. Please stop laying all your worries down on them before I run out of industrial-strength tissue.

This week’s minutes

• We donated $50 to the Yule Ball, in a vain attempt to salve the horrible wounds of our conscious. It didn't work, but that should be a nice ball.
• Lexi wants us to buy a big pot, for reasons unclear, although she said something about “making a nice stew from all the dismembered body parts of my victims”. Oh, that Lexi.
• Dave and Buster’s Adult arcadeà $8 transportation + $10/hr/person + $ for food/ booze. subsidy will happen. Dinner @ the Berghoff. Next Saturday @ 6 PM. Transmission end.
• How much money should we allocate for the pot fund? $25 -$30 will buy us like half an ounce, and we should also consider buying a bon... Oh. Like, a stew pot fund. Right. Because what other kind of pot would one buy? Certainly nothing illegal!
• There is a sweet coin machine in the supply closet, use it for all your sweet coin needs.
• Trick-or-treaters come at 6 TONIGHT! Prepare yourself, and remember to keep an eye out for Lily, in case she tries to eat one of the young 'uns.
• Halloween movie marathon, Wednesday in the lounge. After: Jackson sits in his room with all the lights on and tries to forget the scary people.
• Football: we won on Saturday! Yay!
• Stop playing music. It’s irritating the people below us. Subwoofers should be off the floor. Keep shrieking to minimum. Superwoofers can be left wherever you please.
• Let Noah know that you support the idea of making quiet hours later. Or oppose this plan. Whichever, let him know. Or don't. Look, just do what you want, I can't stop you.
• Harc has lots of money, try to exploit this, and divert some to the pot fund. No, not the stew pot fund.

House Minutes - 10/07/07

Compton Minutes 10/7/07

The Office of the Secretary is buzzing like a hive of
carnivorous bees that’s been poked with a stick over how to
explain last week’s lapse in minute-reporting.  Various
excuses have been suggested, including:  the secretary was
kidnapped by vicarious banshees, the minutes consumed
themselves out of boredom before they could be transcribed,
and a massive porn-bomb struck headquarters resulting in mass
hysteria.  However, we believe that we’ll stick to a simple
terrorist-mafia-vendetta arson story.  So, the bits of minutes
that survived the flames were:
• No prospies this quarter.  (Hurrah!)
• House meetings to be at 9:00 every Sunday, HoCo at 8:30
• Party Policy:  we have one, same as last year, determined to
be “decent.”
• In a swift coup d’etat, the Tilli-led militia arm of the
HoCo set the Constitution aflame, instituting life terms for
officials, and severe reprisals for even partial male nudity.
The masses are apathetic. 
• Also, our volleyball team will DESTROY ALL OPPONENTS!!!!!
So play, already.

Compton Minutes 10/14/07

• Confusion reigned as Supreme-Dictator-For-Life Tilli,
(hereby to be known by her full title only) canceled the house
meeting, then called a late HoCo meeting, then demanded that
it be held in Zaire. 
• No, in all seriousness, meetings will be held every week:
HoCo at 9:00, HM at 9:30, and Study Break at 10:00.
Bam-Bam-Bam, no “I’ll go do homework in this half hour,” but
then you don’t, because you’re a lazy bum.   
• And now the Budget, with Asian Treasurer, Terrence Oey.
Terrance?  Why thank you, Tilli.  We have approximently US
$1026 to spend on worthy endeavors such as trips to Cedar
Point, and annexing other Houses into The Greater Democratic
Peoples’ Republic of Compton.  And now, back to you, Tilli.
• But creating a Shoreland hegemon will cost more than that,
won’t it, omniscient Secretary?  Why yes, my curious little
bullet point.  Luckily next Saturday, our powerful Crushers
will have a chance to win gold and glory at the InterHouse
Tug-of-War.  Also, you have to go, because the dining halls
will be closed. 
• Alicia, realizing that Jackson is still essentially a fetus,
being only 17, warned him never to have sex.  Ever.  He ruined
her hopes by revealing that her warning came too late, he’d
already had sex. 
• Tex will be placing a sheet of paper in his room, no, not in
his room, on his door, no, in the lounge, no not the floor of
the lounge, on the bulletin boards, upon which you can put
down your number to donate meal points to the Shoreland
Barbeque. 
• Sadly, our house remains at risk of mass pregnancy and
syphilis.  A mummy’s worth of red tape encases our valiant
Condom Tzar.  After all, you can’t just hand out free condoms
to hormonal college students willy-nilly.  Imagine the chaos,
and condom shortages that would befall us!  Why, we’d have to
reopen the old emergency WWII era condom mines in Alaska!


Good Luck, kids.