House Minutes - 10/21/07

Compton 10-21-07

• Yes, we realize minutes didn’t come out last week. No, we don’t care. Yes, we are using the royal we.
• Jackson, in adorable naiveté, thinks the fall formal is “cool.” He’s clearly too young to remember the horrors of high school prom, and how Betsy Parr wouldn't even look at me after I asked her to go, and then she went out with that TOTAL JERK Sullivan, and then at the prom him and his stupid jock friends wouldn't stop making fun of me for taking my mom, and then Sullivan made out with my mom, and then I tried to punch because I was SO ANGRY and I HATED HIM SO MUCH AND NEED TO KILLLL!!
• Ahem.
• At any rate, Jackson and my therapist think we should put the past behind us and go to the Fall Formal and would like to remind us that tickets are on sale in the Reynold’s Club.
• This Wednesday (All Hallows Eve) kids are coming to the Shoreland to trick-or-treat. Cheap candy will be sold in the lobby Monday and Tuesday so you don’t have to do that creepy “trick” your Uncle Ned always does to get rid of them and thus don't have to try to convince the parole board that it was all a mistake, honest.
• Shoreland Councilà meal points used for different study breaks, can’t get 5 anymore, only 1 so need more people to give ISO numbers. I hope that makes sense to someone, because I'm pretty sure it heralds an end to free food.
• Guests are not prospective students even if they are prospective students. That's some real Zen, HoCo. It's like this one time, Roswell, the Philosopher-King, was all “For though all creatures under heaven are the products of Being, Being itself is the product of Not-being”, and I was all “Daaamn!”
• Speaking of Being being Not-being, the being “Jackson” needs to figure out if there are PSAC meetings that he’s not going to, and if someday he'll fly away, and leave all this to yesterday.
• The answer is no: humans can't fly, and your past is a relentless Juggernaut that will eventually run you down and crush you under regret. Also: PSAC.
• Baby update: 2 weeks old. Good eater. Going to pediatrician tomorrow. A discussion of breast milk and antibodies followed the baby update until one of the antibodies came into contact with a regular body, and they annihilated each other, destroying the entire city in a violent burst of gamma rays. It was pretty lame.
• Associate Members Voting:
• Walter
• Mohan
• Michael
• Woosuk
• Tyler
• Matthias
• Jared
• Stephan
• Everyone IN!!!
• Patty, in constant amazement, coos “Ooooh” at the sight of a House Meeting in the Lounge, until she was distracted by shiny coins.
• Awesome, we have condoms, and not just royal we. The rest of you common folk have them too. They’re hidden in various places but if you can come to 811 to get them you should because Igor wants to know more about you. He’s really lonely.
• Lock your doors, thefts have been happening. Also, don’t overload elevators, either physically or emotionally. Just the other night, I was woken up by an elevator sobbing in the lounge. Please stop laying all your worries down on them before I run out of industrial-strength tissue.

This week’s minutes

• We donated $50 to the Yule Ball, in a vain attempt to salve the horrible wounds of our conscious. It didn't work, but that should be a nice ball.
• Lexi wants us to buy a big pot, for reasons unclear, although she said something about “making a nice stew from all the dismembered body parts of my victims”. Oh, that Lexi.
• Dave and Buster’s Adult arcadeà $8 transportation + $10/hr/person + $ for food/ booze. subsidy will happen. Dinner @ the Berghoff. Next Saturday @ 6 PM. Transmission end.
• How much money should we allocate for the pot fund? $25 -$30 will buy us like half an ounce, and we should also consider buying a bon... Oh. Like, a stew pot fund. Right. Because what other kind of pot would one buy? Certainly nothing illegal!
• There is a sweet coin machine in the supply closet, use it for all your sweet coin needs.
• Trick-or-treaters come at 6 TONIGHT! Prepare yourself, and remember to keep an eye out for Lily, in case she tries to eat one of the young 'uns.
• Halloween movie marathon, Wednesday in the lounge. After: Jackson sits in his room with all the lights on and tries to forget the scary people.
• Football: we won on Saturday! Yay!
• Stop playing music. It’s irritating the people below us. Subwoofers should be off the floor. Keep shrieking to minimum. Superwoofers can be left wherever you please.
• Let Noah know that you support the idea of making quiet hours later. Or oppose this plan. Whichever, let him know. Or don't. Look, just do what you want, I can't stop you.
• Harc has lots of money, try to exploit this, and divert some to the pot fund. No, not the stew pot fund.

House Minutes - 10/07/07

Compton Minutes 10/7/07

The Office of the Secretary is buzzing like a hive of
carnivorous bees that’s been poked with a stick over how to
explain last week’s lapse in minute-reporting.  Various
excuses have been suggested, including:  the secretary was
kidnapped by vicarious banshees, the minutes consumed
themselves out of boredom before they could be transcribed,
and a massive porn-bomb struck headquarters resulting in mass
hysteria.  However, we believe that we’ll stick to a simple
terrorist-mafia-vendetta arson story.  So, the bits of minutes
that survived the flames were:
• No prospies this quarter.  (Hurrah!)
• House meetings to be at 9:00 every Sunday, HoCo at 8:30
• Party Policy:  we have one, same as last year, determined to
be “decent.”
• In a swift coup d’etat, the Tilli-led militia arm of the
HoCo set the Constitution aflame, instituting life terms for
officials, and severe reprisals for even partial male nudity.
The masses are apathetic. 
• Also, our volleyball team will DESTROY ALL OPPONENTS!!!!!
So play, already.

Compton Minutes 10/14/07

• Confusion reigned as Supreme-Dictator-For-Life Tilli,
(hereby to be known by her full title only) canceled the house
meeting, then called a late HoCo meeting, then demanded that
it be held in Zaire. 
• No, in all seriousness, meetings will be held every week:
HoCo at 9:00, HM at 9:30, and Study Break at 10:00.
Bam-Bam-Bam, no “I’ll go do homework in this half hour,” but
then you don’t, because you’re a lazy bum.   
• And now the Budget, with Asian Treasurer, Terrence Oey.
Terrance?  Why thank you, Tilli.  We have approximently US
$1026 to spend on worthy endeavors such as trips to Cedar
Point, and annexing other Houses into The Greater Democratic
Peoples’ Republic of Compton.  And now, back to you, Tilli.
• But creating a Shoreland hegemon will cost more than that,
won’t it, omniscient Secretary?  Why yes, my curious little
bullet point.  Luckily next Saturday, our powerful Crushers
will have a chance to win gold and glory at the InterHouse
Tug-of-War.  Also, you have to go, because the dining halls
will be closed. 
• Alicia, realizing that Jackson is still essentially a fetus,
being only 17, warned him never to have sex.  Ever.  He ruined
her hopes by revealing that her warning came too late, he’d
already had sex. 
• Tex will be placing a sheet of paper in his room, no, not in
his room, on his door, no, in the lounge, no not the floor of
the lounge, on the bulletin boards, upon which you can put
down your number to donate meal points to the Shoreland
Barbeque. 
• Sadly, our house remains at risk of mass pregnancy and
syphilis.  A mummy’s worth of red tape encases our valiant
Condom Tzar.  After all, you can’t just hand out free condoms
to hormonal college students willy-nilly.  Imagine the chaos,
and condom shortages that would befall us!  Why, we’d have to
reopen the old emergency WWII era condom mines in Alaska!


Good Luck, kids.

House Minutes - 09/30/07

The most Austere and Glorious High Council of Compton House convened this Sunday, September 30 in the year of our Lord, 2007 at 8:34 PM. House Meeting convenes at 9:03 PM. Most Exalted President-for-Life, Tillie presiding.


• George's peaceful daydreaming of his rural Idaho home on the Salmon River was rudely interrupted by that obnoxious Tillie and her vagabond collective, “The House Council”. Man, what do those guys even do?
• I'm glad you asked, parent bullet point! What they do is fundraising, conflict management, feeding the hungry, and planning extra house trips; in short, the House Council bes (that's a word, dammit!) all it can be, just like the Army – but presumably they won't be outsourcing to Blackwater, although....
• They certainly have the money (about US $621, which would get us someone for... half a day?). Such discussions of mercenaries (excuse me, “private security firms”) are actually kind of pointless, as the money is tied up in an offshore account in Haiti. Motion to let RH’s handle all transactions, bribes, and laundering passes unanimously.
• We found our constitution! Unfortunately it was written in 1983 and certain clauses (such as mandatory wearing of power suits by all) are a bit outdated, but we should probably keep the one about continuously playing Quiet Riot. Connie volunteered to re-write the constitution, in order to expunge all references to the New Wave of British Heavy Metal (which she hates, like, so much), but Tillie, cradling her copy of Def Leppard's Pyromania, asked that she merely suggest changes. Alicia voted for “clean, easy” constitution changing, but that sounds lame, let's have a revolution.
• Main issue: should re-election be per quarter or per year? Tex, holstering his six-shooter and spitting out his chaw, proposed that the first act be to increase office terms (and salaries) but Connie’s hesitancy at this whole-hearted plunge into the clinging seas of corruption prevailed, leading Tex to mutter about “them no good eastern folk” and go rustle some cattle.
• Actually, you know what? I'm tired of this. It's always about you, and your wants, and your needs! But I'm a warm blooded copy of the minutes, and I have needs too! Needs like alternates for the Royal Shoreland Navy. Igor and Ricardo? I'm looking at you.
• Speaking of forced conscription, Bethany is now a member of Her Majesty’s Royal Birthday Pixies.
• Party Policy: We should have one. Actually, why bother? The revolution's comin', man, it's a-comin'.
• Noah is responsible for taking IHC to Compton and Compton to IHC: this is good, because who but Noah could support all that weight? While we're on this subject, how did he get a cybernetic exoskeleton, anyway? And why is he always going on about “returning to the mothership”?
• Jackson is responsible for finding floors for the booming population of homeless first-years so they don't have to sleep on the walls. I mean seriously, how impractical is that?
• Igor is responsible for keeping our eggs unfertilized, in any way possible. Except for eating them? I guess we'll see.
• Connie has a question? What is like, going to, like, be like done with the like website? Like? A: Jackson or someone else will keep it updated.
• In a surprise move, Tillie vastly expanded her executive powers by giving herself the ability to post directly to the listhost. Responding to cries of indignation, she cited “executive privilege” and claimed that her opponents are stuck in a “pre-9/11 mentality.”
• If you need to be reimbursed for something, give Terrence your receipt within one week. Please note, he's no longer reimbursing people for their tuition.
• Connie actually has a question? Where are study breaks to be held? The HoCo (did I mention that's the new name for the House Council?) couldn't come up with a good answer, just like the Congressional Democrats.
• Ho ho! Politics!
• A motion to trap the Phantom of the White-board and move into an abandoned opera house was made, but failed when Lily stole the white-board and retreated into her secret passages in the walls, from which she watches us while we sleep.
• Connie moved that Tex be re-designated Town Crier. A cacophony of farm-animal sounds resounded from the masses, but Tex tried to decline the post, as “cowboys don't cry no tears”. When it was pointed out that's a double negative, he sheepishly accepted and will now cry all the time for no reason.
• A study-break sign-up sheet will be placed in the lounge. Study breaks will be held on Wednesday nights. For reimbursement up to $20 give Terrence your receipts within one week. For reimbursements over $20, learn how to rob banks.
• Lots of events going on. Look at the walls for more information. Preferably, look at the parts of the walls which have posters on them, but feel free to stare blankly if that's your thing (Maggie, I'm looking at you).
• Apple picking on Oct. 13. “It’s an apple wonderland!” Which I guess means that apples totally dig it? Be there or be elsewhere.
• Halloween we open our doors to the neighborhood kids so they can trick-or-treat without being mugged, and so Lily can feed her insatiable cravings for blood.
• Lexi is planning an outing to Dave and Busters which is “an adult arcade.” Jackson: “An adult arcade?” Yes Jackson, an adult arcade. Go a boy, leave a man.
• Our Condom Czar was equipped with the traditional Condom Riot Gear and instructed to allow the dispersion of condoms in EMERGENCIES only. Unfortunately, several hundred of the house condoms have gone missing. In no doubt completely unrelated news, Damon looked very, very tired but very, very satisfied.
• The Box is Compton’s fundraiser and is in Nina’s room (812). It has all manner of good, clean, legal fun (you lost me at “clean”), so stop by and blow some green. “Blow some green” means “spend money” in this context, because this is good, clean, legal fun.
• Tex, while combing down his horse and dealing stud with one hand, used the other to sign his announcement that Flag Football starts this Saturday at 3 PM and we need more ladies to go out. Just show up and play.
• Also, volleyball (at which we dominate) will begin soon. An email is forthcoming.
• Katie reminded the masses that movie night starts this Thursday and though she would appreciate suggestions she will not be playing anything that demonstrates alternative meanings of the phrases “blow some green”, “adult arcade”, “an apple wonderland”, or “throbbing manpile”.
• During the birth of Compton’s Crown Prince or Princess, their Royal Majesties Dan and Anna have graciously arranged for substitutes to solve our petty squabbles. Their email addresses would have been on the whiteboard, before Lily stole it, now they'll just have to tattoo them onto everyone's hands. Again.
• Meeting concludes at 9:22.