House Minutes - 10/07/07

Compton Minutes 10/7/07

The Office of the Secretary is buzzing like a hive of
carnivorous bees that’s been poked with a stick over how to
explain last week’s lapse in minute-reporting.  Various
excuses have been suggested, including:  the secretary was
kidnapped by vicarious banshees, the minutes consumed
themselves out of boredom before they could be transcribed,
and a massive porn-bomb struck headquarters resulting in mass
hysteria.  However, we believe that we’ll stick to a simple
terrorist-mafia-vendetta arson story.  So, the bits of minutes
that survived the flames were:
• No prospies this quarter.  (Hurrah!)
• House meetings to be at 9:00 every Sunday, HoCo at 8:30
• Party Policy:  we have one, same as last year, determined to
be “decent.”
• In a swift coup d’etat, the Tilli-led militia arm of the
HoCo set the Constitution aflame, instituting life terms for
officials, and severe reprisals for even partial male nudity.
The masses are apathetic. 
• Also, our volleyball team will DESTROY ALL OPPONENTS!!!!!
So play, already.

Compton Minutes 10/14/07

• Confusion reigned as Supreme-Dictator-For-Life Tilli,
(hereby to be known by her full title only) canceled the house
meeting, then called a late HoCo meeting, then demanded that
it be held in Zaire. 
• No, in all seriousness, meetings will be held every week:
HoCo at 9:00, HM at 9:30, and Study Break at 10:00.
Bam-Bam-Bam, no “I’ll go do homework in this half hour,” but
then you don’t, because you’re a lazy bum.   
• And now the Budget, with Asian Treasurer, Terrence Oey.
Terrance?  Why thank you, Tilli.  We have approximently US
$1026 to spend on worthy endeavors such as trips to Cedar
Point, and annexing other Houses into The Greater Democratic
Peoples’ Republic of Compton.  And now, back to you, Tilli.
• But creating a Shoreland hegemon will cost more than that,
won’t it, omniscient Secretary?  Why yes, my curious little
bullet point.  Luckily next Saturday, our powerful Crushers
will have a chance to win gold and glory at the InterHouse
Tug-of-War.  Also, you have to go, because the dining halls
will be closed. 
• Alicia, realizing that Jackson is still essentially a fetus,
being only 17, warned him never to have sex.  Ever.  He ruined
her hopes by revealing that her warning came too late, he’d
already had sex. 
• Tex will be placing a sheet of paper in his room, no, not in
his room, on his door, no, in the lounge, no not the floor of
the lounge, on the bulletin boards, upon which you can put
down your number to donate meal points to the Shoreland
Barbeque. 
• Sadly, our house remains at risk of mass pregnancy and
syphilis.  A mummy’s worth of red tape encases our valiant
Condom Tzar.  After all, you can’t just hand out free condoms
to hormonal college students willy-nilly.  Imagine the chaos,
and condom shortages that would befall us!  Why, we’d have to
reopen the old emergency WWII era condom mines in Alaska!


Good Luck, kids.